


A heavy loss

by afincf_tirwer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AGAIN!!!, Comforting Each Other, M/M, MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM IN THIS FIC, Mentions of self-harm, Nightmares, Post-War, READ THE TAGS!!!, SUICIDE IN THIS FIC, Someone ends up dead, Suicide, Triggers, after the war, please read the tags, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:22:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6637171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afincf_tirwer/pseuds/afincf_tirwer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war Draco is bombarded with hate. How will he handle it with Harry by his side?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A heavy loss

**Author's Note:**

> THERE IS SUICIDE IN THIS FIC!!!!!!! THERE ARE MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM!!!!! THIS IS NOT A HAPPY FLUFFY FIC!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED. OK now that that is out of the way, please please please tell me if the rating is wrong, please tell me if I missed a tag and please point out any mistake I may make. Not beta read as I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.

After the war Draco had retreated into Malfoy Manor, hardly interacting with anyone unless he was forced to. Draco had been wracked with guilt ever since the Wizarding War and he relived every single moment, every evil deed and all the pain he caused each night in his dreams. The one bright spot in Draco’s life was Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived and most importantly of all, Draco Malfoy’s home. Harry had been there when Draco sat through the trial of his parents, been by his side when his own trial came along and had been desperately trying to help Draco through his guilt. He was a bright beacon of light in his miserable existence. Harry held him close, Harry told him his was precious, worth it, worth protecting and worthy of love. The entire Wizarding World reviled the last remaining Malfoy, his mother had committed suicide in Azkaban and Lucius had been sentenced to death. No one knew how Draco struggled with what he had done and no one knew just how hard Harry had to fight to keep Draco from giving into the darkness and how much Harry’s heart ached when he had to wrestle razors out of his lover’s hands.

 

It had been months since any incident like that though so Harry basked in the calm and how Draco seemed content. Right now they were cuddled up against each other, Harry’s arms around Draco’s waist gently rubbing against his stomach as they watched the snow fall outside the window. Harry bit his lip nervously before speaking up.

 

“Um Draco I’ve had a thought recently and I was wondering if maybe, if you wanted to perhaps you would um consider…” Draco twisted around in his arms to look Harry in the eyes.

 

“For Merlin’s sake Potter spit it out! You’re stammering worse than Longbottom used to.” Harry rolled his eyes at the comparison but steeled his nerves.

 

“Well it’s just that you live in this huge house alone so I was wondering if you would consider moving in with me?” Draco froze in shock, his mesmerising grey orbs wide with surprise.

 

“Why the hell would you want me to move in with you?!” Draco spluttered as he struggled out of his boyfriend’s arms and standing. Harry lay on the sofa in confusion for a second before he rose as well.

 

“Well for one you’ve been my boyfriend for nearly two years and I love you. Another reason is why wouldn’t I want you to move in with me?” Harry’s forehead was wrinkled in confusion at Draco’s instant questioning of his motives but his train of thought was interrupted by Draco ripping up his left sleeve and baring his forearm and the Dark Mark, faded but still visible.

 

“WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME? OH I DON’T KNOW POTTER MAYBE BECAUSE OF _THIS_?” Draco jabbed a finger at the exposed brand. “HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT I’VE DONE? WHY DO YOU LOVE ME?” Draco’s voice cracked and tears began to fill his eyes. “How can you love a monster?” The words pierced Harry’s heart like knives but worst of all were the slashes on Draco’s arm. Not past scars but recent cuts and slashes. Harry pulled Draco close to his chest and held him tightly.

 

“You promised you’d stop doing this to yourself. You swore that you were finished with hurting yourself Draco.” His boyfriend trembled in his arms and Harry wished he could do something, anything to help Draco. He’d tried therapy but all the sessions did was making Draco’s nightmares to intensify. All Harry could do was cradle his face in his hands and press his rough, chapped lips against Draco’s soft ones in a gentle loving kiss, desperately pouring his love and affection into every action he did. Both boys slowly sank to the floor, clutching at each other with shaky hands, every touch of Draco’s hands screamed out for love and acceptance and Harry tried to give it to him by kissing every inch of his broken boyfriend. Draco sobbed as Harry held him, kissed him and tried to convince him that he wasn’t going anywhere, wasn’t ever going to let Draco be alone again. Harry didn’t shy away from the reminders of Draco’s dark past. They lay entwined on the floor of the sitting room for what seemed like hours until Draco’s sobs died down and the blond met his boyfriend’s worried green eyes.

 

“OK Potter. I’ll move in with you.” Harry’s eyes filled with joy, excitement and pure love which radiated out of every pore and Draco felt that maybe he could get through the insults and rudeness of other people as long as he could see how happy Harry looked right now for the rest of his life. The two boys crawled into Malfoy’s huge four poster bed. Both suffered nightmares as a result of being forced into a war when they had been so young but when they could hear the other breathing next to them the nightmares were less frequent.

 

The next day dawned bright and cold but inside the manor was busy as Draco packed and Harry bounced around him like an excited puppy. He kept running off and bringing back an item for Draco to either pack or set aside to leave to rot. Although this had been Draco’s house for twenty two years it had never felt like home, not even when he was little. After what felt like days for Harry (two hours) Draco had finished packing and they excited Malfoy Manor. Draco locked the huge wooden doors before grasping Harry’s hand firmly.

 

“Well Potter? You’ll need to apparate us to your house.” Harry watched Dracon close his eyes and when the squeezing feeling had faded he reopened them to see himself standing in front of a small two-floored cottage with a stone wall surrounding it. When they entered Draco knew this wasn’t just a house, his boyfriend had made it into a home. This was made very clear by all the personal touches that littered the sitting room alone. Pictures of all his friends both magical and muggle covered the walls and every available surface had an ugly but obviously well-worn and well-loved jumper sprawled on top of it. Draco knew that he could be happy here with his boyfriend and for a few months he was.

 

Of course it couldn’t last. Rumours about Draco and Harry’s relationship had always been circling and of course not everyone approved but most felt it was a temporary fling. After two years and Draco moving in people couldn’t pretend anymore and began to bombard Draco with hate mail, which told him to kill himself, leave Harry and stop tainting the Saviour of the Wizarding World. Harry desperately tried to keep his spirits up and defend his boyfriend but the Wizarding World refused to listen. All of Harry’s friends and extended family were on his side but it wasn’t enough. If Draco went shopping people whispered behind his back, spat at him, refused to serve him and tripped him. Draco hid one incident from Harry though, the one time a gang of Deatheater haters had tried to take him against his will. It was draining away Draco’s will to live; not just because he was being bullied, ever since the war finished he’d been bullied but it was affecting Harry now. People were questioning his sanity, wondering if he really was good and some were even suggesting that he had always been a secret Deatheater. After someone punched Harry in the face when they’d been out together Draco’s mind was made up. “Harry doesn’t need to be burdened by me.” Draco thought and he made the arrangements.

 

Harry completed his purchase at the jewellery shop with Hermione by his side, admiring the ring. It had a silver band and the stone was ruby and emerald held together and the two stones formed a heart. Harry carefully pocketed his purchase before leaving.

 

“The ring is absolutely gorgeous Harry. I’m sure Draco is going to adore it.” Harry’s lips twitched up into a soft smile.

 

“I hope so Hermione.” They embraced before parting ways. Harry apparated back home and crept in through the front door quietly. To his surprise the house was empty and for some reason Draco’s wand had been left on the bedside table. A knot formed in Harry’s stomach. Draco had never left his wand behind before. Draco refused to be caught off guard ever. He tried to calm himself down by taking a few deep breaths and attempting to convince his mind that Draco was okay. Harry started to search for Draco, looking everywhere Draco could possibly be. Two days later he finally thought to check Draco’s family house. As Harry approached Malfoy Manor a cold chill crept down his back but he tried to shrug it off. He searched Draco’s old bedroom first, hoping against everything that he was just feeling nostalgic. When Harry caught sight of what was inside the room he knew he was wrong.

 

An anguished howl exited Harry’s throat, the sound barely human. Draco was indeed in his room but he was lying of his bed paler than usual and there were crescent seeds scattered around him. Harry sank to his knees in heartbreak. Moonseed was poisonous and Draco had taken them. Harry sent a Patronus to Ron and Hermione and they were there just a few minutes later. Ron was about to speak but then he caught sight of Malfoy’s still body and Harry sobbing on the floor. Hermione covered her mouth with her hand before kneeling next to her oldest, dearest friend and holding him close. Ron embraced them both and the trio knelt on the floor of Malfoy Manor for a long time as Harry sobbed, cried, screamed and cursed.

 

Hermione and Ron stuck by Harry like glue over the next few weeks. Everyone who was close to Harry tried to support him but everyone could guess what he was thinking. “Why does everyone I love have to leave me?” Harry sobbed out on his friend’s shoulders. His two best friend’s hearts ached at Harry’s pain but there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t bring Draco back, they couldn’t change what happened, all they could do was be there for Harry and hope he didn’t try to follow Draco. No one knew but Draco had left Harry a letter.

 

**“Dear Harry,**

**I’ve chosen to be selfish and taken the cowards way out. Unlike you I’ve never been a Gryffindor. You made my life so much better but in the end I was still a coward. Thank you for everything and I have to ask something of you. Please don’t follow me. Don’t be a coward like I was Harry. I’m so sorry.**

**Forever yours, Draco”**

 

The day of the funeral dawned cloudy and grey. Harry had decided to lay Draco to rest in the same cemetery that his parent’s lay. It was a small service but there were protesters holding signs which read: “Malfoy was a villain. He doesn’t deserve to lie next to heroes.” Harry tried to keep his temper, tried so hard to be civil but when he heard someone mutter, “Thank god that evil bastard offed himself.” His temper snapped. No one held him back though. Although Draco hadn’t been kind to them in school both Ron and Hermione had seen how he had changed and how happy he made Harry and now he had been driven to suicide by people who had simply refused to let him live his life.

 

“ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? YOU MADE HIM DO THIS! YOU CAUSED HIM TO KILL HIMSELF! HE DIDN’T DESERVE YOUR CONSTANT HARRASMENT! HE PAID FOR HIS CRIMES; HE PAID FOR WHAT HE DID! I HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAPPY BECAUSE HE’S GONE NOW AND HE’S NEVER COMING BACK! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE!” Harry screamed at the protesters and they stared at him in shock before they all left. Hermione wrapped an arm around Harry and hugged him hard. He returned the embrace and as his chest pressed against Hermione, the ring that should have been Draco’s dug into his chest. Harry would wear that ring round his neck for the rest of his life, as a constant reminder of Draco and to remind him that Draco wanted him to live his life to the fullest. Harry would respect that but every night he dreamed of Draco and every morning he woke up to a tear stained pillow.


End file.
